Creative obstacles race

 

What I have learnt from art is jumping higher every time the obstacle comes my way. It is like building resilience in personal life, boosting your inner immune system to be able to deal with anything that life throws at you. Let start from beginning of this journey to show you how “I cannot” been converted to “And what next?”

 

So let’s start with the fact that I did not make art till I was over 33 years old and my fist attempts where easy to make collages that did not require any drawing either painting skills.  Because I really believed I could not draw I created collages from images-it felt easy and safe and gave me creative stimulation. But as times went by the awaken hunger for creating was increasing and…I needed to start to draw. Despite the fear and difficulties to produce any decent image I continued to draw. People laughed, criticised or simply left me with that strange and fake smile "ok...that is "interesting". When you know what that "interesting" really means...hm...

I have dyslexia and traits of dyspraxia- things like proportions or even left and right directions are sometimes quite confusing for my twisted by neurodiversity brain. My drawing once I started at age around 34/35 were totally not what I wanted to achieve. There were disasters! But I carried on. I learnt quickly that I enjoyed the obstacles actually- yes it was mentally painful but satisfaction coming from  overcoming them was balancing that pain. I wanted to learn and in result I learnt the art of  failing just so many times that finally you get up and move on. Only through failure I was somehow able to progress. And as much as I hated the failure I was still attracted to creating more and more…

 Then I wanted to try painting…and next generation of failure started! It took me ages to train my eyes in seeing as a painter, pulling all together like proportions, values, colour- still a big challenge. Many times I was close to say- I cannot do it! I have no skill- why am I fooling myself? But again I craved painting, creating, sitting in front of the canvas…I loved everything about paining from sensory experience of smell of paint to seeing its movement on the canvas. My biggest fashion desire was the stained painter's apron and messy art room become the top of interior design achievements in the house.  

And gradually it all become a little bit less intimidating, some parts fell in place and I could see the beginning of the great journey. This is the moment you fall in love with art- once you start enjoying the journey- you know you are far away from your vision but you actually start liking being there- it feels ok, and the right place to be- you are on the track.So I have learnt that the more obstacles there are put in my way I actually now can jump higher and higher every time for the sake of creating. Because there is nothing than I would rather do than exist  in the creative process.

I am sure you have your own obstacles and maybe even little dark demons that keep popping out for you. Do not ignore them- sometimes we just need to say hello to them and…walk with them! Here is a list of some of my personal obstacles that I experienced so far- they come from variety of directions and places:

  • Mind limits- disbelieving in yourself, looking at results not the journey process.
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  • Dyspraxia and dyslexia- not as limiting as it seems! You just need to learn how your brain works and follow the natural flow.
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  • Judgement from others- criticism of your art and pushing you to change your interest.
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  • Poor time management- busy life getting in the way of more regular creative practice. Not creating on regular basis is leading to fear and poor self-belief.
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  • Comparing to others and feeling inadequate - inner critic voice that gets lauder and lauder. Solution- ignore it and do your thing anyway!
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  • Not giving art creating priority in your life- using excuses of other things being more important. your art IS important!

 

 I am sure you will find many obstacles in your creative practice but remember - they make you jump higher and stronger! There always will be some and it is more about enjoying jumping that walking on the completely flat path. Because walking easily on a flat path would not be the art would it?

 

Wishing you high creative jumps!

Honorata

 

 

 

 

 

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