Inner landscapes- painting what I do not see
Painting what I do not see became the theme for my new documentary about inner landscapes. For over 18 months my visual imagination has been captivated by returning to the process of abstract paintings of inner world of thoughts, emotions and symbolic meanings. I started small with journals then expanded gradually to bigger canvases and paintings going on walls. How can you paint what you do not see? They says “paint what you see” but how about painting what you do not see but feel? In this way the art process becomes an additional language, the communication tool between inner self, psyche and the visible surface of reality. Let's go deeper...
I started my self-documentary with the true story about the flower I painted as a child. The flower that I deliberately decided to make with a different colour for each petal- non existing in nature flower but growing strong in my imagination! The concept was criticised by the teacher and I was labelled the one who “art was not for”. I was sad and shocked as a child with that statement- why something I felt drawn to be being taken away from me at that very moment. Why was I not allowed to connect with art and why the flower could not have different petals? All those whys and worries stayed with me for many years till in mid-thirties I returned gradually to art via different mediums and ways. Finally I returned or maybe simply arrived at this deserted island that I belonged to. I was lost and scared at first with unfamiliar land but the natural instinct took over and this time I did not allowed anyone to pull me away from art. I was not that child anymore- still has the same wounds but I grew up and social expectations were thrown away – it did not matter anymore who said what. What matters was the deepest joy I experienced in my life once creating. The joy I am not able to describe in words- feel of unity with the universe and total peace coming from within.
Inner landscapes documentary not only shows you the process of intuitive painting being done but is aiming to inspire your own growth- overcome those old obstacles we carry through years. Those fake beliefs and assumptions about ourselves. Mainly those about what we are not capable of, what we are not good at, what we cannot do. Funny thing is the human mind as it is extremely effective in selecting the negative aspect isn’t it? Many those believes are rooted in our childhood as in my personal story and many stories I hear from leaners during my therapeutic expressive art courses come from primary years education. We believe disbelief! We are so attracted to “I cannot!” that it blinds our “I can”.
Whatever your obstacles are or lack of belief in yourself I encourage you to commit to just a small act of courage. Nothing requiring massive bravery. Simply pick up a small act of doing something you have been putting on the backburner for years. That desire buried deep down, still there but being pushed away. Try and do something small that starts the process. Instead of worrying what it is going to end up like, what results are, please pay attention to your soul and feelings. How does it make you feel? Is there a shy knocking of the joy and excitement? Have you expected that? What if that knocking becomes a banging? I picked up the paintbrush after over 30 years of not painting to find out that that tiny initial sound of joy exploded gradually to the loudest bang I could imagine and…I could not stop…So I painted what I could not see but felt!
Wishing you exciting discoveries!
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