Paint brush extention is all you are

 Sometimes I truly believe I am just a mere extension of the brush. It is the paint brush doing its work. Performing, creating strokes, loading the paint, making marks. My ideas? Come from above, appear from the cloudy reality and I am the transporter of them-some kind of communication channel. We all love to believe we are exclusive creators- great idea's holders and the special one. But are we really? More time I spend in the presence of art the more I am becoming convinced there is something beyond human control, creative flow itself actually is definitely beyond. Only by allowing that control to be taken by art/universe/god/spirit/soul (*choose appropriate) we experience the magic of creation...

 My best art experiences come from stepping back and letting go of any scraps of self-importance. It is when I connect with something beyond and fully trust that equally the failures and victories in my creative visions matter. There is no desire to perform but desire to experience and I am falling many times often to be remined about it. We humans are naturally drawn to the final outcome, specially nowadays with the culture of performance and fake admiration. It feeds our self-worth and unfortunately closes our souls to the experience of the process. It is like somebody coming back from holidays absolutely excited and happy and tells us how amazing the place was, how rested they feel what sort of paradise on earth it was. And then we ask :"Have you got any photos?", and we get the answer "No. It was such an amazing experience that I just enjoyed every second so much that didn't think about taking any photos as it didn't matter- only me there and then could experience it". How would you find that kind of answer? Rather strange? Would you wonder what kind of person is that? Or maybe would you even think what a shame he/she didn't take photos! What a fool! 

But isn't it the same with creating art when we want to do it for the process and experience? We want it all- experience and great results to show. Sometimes it may happen but often it does not. Orientation for result is killing the magic of acting from beyond ourselves. The nature of process equals no guarantee for expected result. Attachment to the final outcome can poison the whole process and hurt to the degree when we block creatively. On another hand something unexpected may happen too- by letting go that attachment and just emerging into process we can actually sometimes produce a great piece of artwork! The paradox of true authenticity!

The art journey for me personally is so much more than just improving skills. Skills come alongside no doubt but the core is the acceptance of what we are destined to express and how. We may admire some type art, fell in love with it to the extend of trying to copy the style. We may be envious of others creating masterpieces that we feel we never be able to accomplish. But it all doesn’t really matter. At all. Each of us has a spark we born with. Creative voice we articulate in many different ways but the secret of life is to be able to listen to it, hear it and then just be with it. Authentic creative self is the concept that I am finding closer and closer to my heart with every year passing of me creating, failing in creating, turning up to creating time and…reflecting on creating.

 It is all part of the journey towards knowing what we are meant to do with our creative voices. When I paint it is not me, when I draw I do not fully guide my hand and when I write it is somehow said to me what to write. I am just an extension of the paint brush...And I rather be this way...

 

Honorata

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