Authenticity call

Every creative knows the term "creative block". The moment of stoppage when creative flow seems to be the past, there is a lot of quiet time with lacking of any inspiration- shortly speaking the pain of not being able to enjoy creative process like before. From time to time I find myself there too. It is a rather dark moment of painful realisation that creativity left me, making my life hell and the future is...dark...very dark. Many times it happened, many time it will return. Recently I had a deeper reflection on the purpose of that blockage. Or maybe more like the real reason it happens...

So this is not "Ways to overcome creative block" article type, this is the true story of my mind and being in that place. I recently experienced a mega long creative block- some would even maybe did not noticed as I was still creating, maybe less but still. However that creating was far away from the state of flow I value the most, when I know I create from the heart and skills with intuition merge into one. I was forcing myself to create anything in that period- making marks, colouring the page, making messy colours in journals- just to close them up few minutes later. I knew subconsciously or rather painfully learnt from the past that whatever happens the flow will return, there will be better time and creating anything is still helpful. At the same time it was frustrating to the extreme to feel disconnection between my art and myself, knowing it is happening and not improving. Still- creating anything was better than nothing.

It lasted weeks, long weeks and even longer days of lonely moments without the inspiration. Then during those creative attempts I notice few things:

1. My main problem was an inspiration- whatever I looked at (figures, faces, abstract, different mediums- you call it) was not speaking to me.

2. When I chose to follow something anyway (let's say paining of the figure for example) I would start with resistance, only progress for a moment then hated it and stopped. There was basically nothing that would inspire me. I still liked to look at art but nothing was making me to want creating again.

 I had many attempts of creating "projects" that only started to fail straight away. There was basically nothing to pull the creative strings in my heart. But I still was making some art, even simple just to keep myself sane I suppose. So what happened? Did I finally find the magical solution, subject matter, the muse came to me? Not really...

One day I spent mainly outdoors, watching yellow and green fields of English countryside as passing by in a car. That day I also spent morning in the garden looking at different plants, wondering how perfct nature can create...It was a light day and colours were vibrant, air was fresh and encouraging to explore or just sit and enjoy the day by simple looking at natural beauty. In the evening I went to my art room and pulled the big piece of paper that I stretched on the board. I wanted to paint and did not want at the same time- typical artist dilemma that drives you crazy. First I found a wooden human model and thought about using that for a reference but minutes later my willingness vanished and all page got covered in paint. At least it was not blank now...not the greatest improvement I suppose. And then it all happened so quick that I find it difficult to recall it now. I could suddenly see flashes of images from the whole day, those vibrant yellow and green fields, smell of grass, garden, the sun rays shining through the windows...I reached impulsively for colours corresponding with it and painted- without planning-shapes, lines, blocks of colours, more and more till the page was filled and then the figure appeared so I built up on that. It was just like some kind of blockage came off, the door has opened and the hint of creative flow was back. My breathing got deeper, I was into it and excited to feel that magic again...

I started to understand that inspiration was not there because maybe it was not meant to be with references I was choosing. Maybe art was calling me to explore in different direction, looking at intuitive aspect, create from actual experience, giving it all personal aspect. I do not know but I know one thing- it all have shifted to a better place. And now it is time to explore...

 My lesson is simple and doesn't come with step by step instructions. We all are different and what works for me may not for somebody else. But I know that we need to tune into authenticity and maybe those creative blocks are blessings in disguise? Maybe they happen to make us stop and listen? Listen to our intuition, heart and simply being authentic.

 

Have a great authentic week!

Honorata

 

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